PROFILE FOR BURT LANCASTER

DATE OF BIRTH : EARLY 80S

PLACE OF BIRTH : SEWERS ON AN EXCEL SPREAD SHEET.

REASON FOR BIRTH : TO DELIVER US FROM THE EVIL OF EXPENSIVE GAMES.

SPECIAL POWERS : ABILITY TO GET A SHAG AT 3:30 am

PIC TO FOLLOW SHORTLY

 FAVOURITE SAYING =IM GOING TO BED , IM ON A PROMISE , WILL BE ON TOMORROW DEFIANTLY

PROFILE :

One Dark and gloomy day in a small town in England 3 wise men got together and took a stock take in an abandoned warehouse. They had found they had too much stock of the ectoplasm P69 x40, so the decided to empty half down the sewers in a desperate attempt to lighten the load of the skoda. Then on the other side of the diminutive  town , another team of wise but more going onto the side of demented men were emptying a radio active waste by product (which is still to this day unknown) into the sewers too. Slowly the two deadly contaminants worked their way down the pipes and into a final resting place where all the shit goes and onto an excel spread sheet floating lifelessly in the scum.

With a nightmarish whirl of colour and and screams the two toxins mixed together and created a micro organism . This small but highly intelligent life form rapidly grew, first its brain, then the arms then the legs . It would of frightened most people , because there wasn't any eyes or ears and mouth yet ,but .....a homeless bum called Fredric Ramsbottom found it squirming around in the scum of terds and undigested Holland's meat pies. He took it to his home and cared for it like it was his own son , or daughter , he still has no idea what it was. Fredrick was amazed how quickly it grew and how fast it learnt. This .. thing ..could take stock of every porn mag and unused condom in his small but homely dwelling within seconds. It had a natural ability to stock taking and mimic anything it found. Soon Fredrick had to name his discovery so he look long and hard at it ,and called it ....Burt .

Burt soon went through puberty at an early age and was shagging every livening thing he found , even the sheep in the small town where he lived feared him. Not long after his nineteenth birthday Burt discovered the art of Burning Disks and created his empire now knows to us all as Burts Magic Warehouse.

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