PROFILE FOR WABBIT

DATE OF BIRTH : APRIL FOOLS DAY 1972

PLACE OF BIRTH : DINGO LAND SPERM BANK. DOWNTOWN BLACKBURN GHETTO.

REASON FOR BIRTH : AN UNAUTHORISED CLONING EXPERIMENT INVOLVING THE COCO POPS MONKEY.

SPECIAL POWERS : AN UNCANNY KNACK OF CATAPULTING HIMSELF 12 FEET IN THE AIR WHILST PERFORMING WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A 'QUADRO SOMERSAULT.' FROM A STATIONARY POSE. WHILST BEING HEARD ON BATTLECOM PROCLAIMING: "FUCKIN CLAYS!!"

FAVOURITE SAYING = "I'D RATTHER HAVE A BOWWL OF CO-CO POPS."

PROFILE :

WABBIT WAS BORN IN THE EARLY 70'S IN A DINGY BACK STREET UNDERGROUND LABORATORY. (WHICH CANNOT BE NAMED FOR LEGAL REASONS) DNA SAMPLES TAKEN FROM THE COCO POPS MONKEY WERE MIXED WITH THE CELLS OF A ONE LEGGED SHEEP FARMER NAMED REGINALD SIDEBOTTOM FROM THE SLEEPY LANCASHIRE TOWN OF BLACKBURN. THE RESULTS CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS MIND BLOWING. AT AN EARLY AGE WAB WAS QUICKLY BEGINNING TO SHOW SIGNS OF ABNORMALITY.

CLEARLY NOT HAPPY WITH THE TRADITIONAL BABY FOOD DIET OF 'FARLEYS RUSKS' AND 'COW & GATE BABY MILK' IT SOON BECAME APPARENT THAT THE ONLY SOURCES OF NUTRIENTS REQUIRED FOR THIS 'ENTITY' COULD ONLY BE DERIVED FROM A DIET OF BACON BUTTIES, BBQ'D SPARE RIBS AND YES.....  A MINIMUM OF 3 BOWLS OF COCO POPS PER DAY. NOT FORGETTING THE OCCASIONAL HELPING OF SHREDDIES AND SHREDDED WHEAT. (DONKEY'S BEDDING)

BY THE AGE OF FOUR WABBIT WAS SHOWING SIGNS OF WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS AMAZING MARKSMANSHIP.

ARMED WITH AN AIR RIFLE HE COULD OFTEN BE SEEN WALKING THE MOORS OF BLACKBURN HUNTING WILD HAGGIS SHOUTING "IN DE HEEEEEEEEED!"

IT IS WRITTEN IN BLACKBURN FOLKLORE THAT IN ONE DAY ALONE (NOW BY THE AGE OF 15) THE NOW OLDER WISER, PAUNCH WEARING WABBIT CAME BACK FROM THE HILLTOPS WITH 17 WILD HAGGIS', A ONE EARED RABBIT AND A SQUIRREL WITH MANGE.

WITH AN AMAZING ACT OF KINDNESS, HE FED THE TOWN FOR A WEEK AND A STATUE WAS THEN ERECTED IN HONOUR IN THE TOWN CENTRE. (NOW SADLY DEFACED WITH SLOGANS SUCH AS 'SHEEP SHAGGER'... 'WOOLLY FORESKIN'...  'BURNLEY FC RULEZ' TO NAME BUT A FEW.

OFTEN SEEN WAVING A CAN OF STELLA (A.K.A 'WIFEBEATER' 'NELSON MANDELA') IN THE AIR IN HIS LOCAL VILLAGE SHOUTING OBSCENITIES SUCH AS "FUCK ME! A BUS!!" WHILST SIMULTANEOUSLY ROLLING A CIGARETTE IN HIS SPARE HAND. (AN AMAZING SPECIAL POWER TO BE NOTED IN THE HALL OF AMAZING SPECIAL POWERS OF AMAZING POWERS BY PEOPLE THAT HAVE AMAZING POWERS .)

MORE TO FOLLOW                                                                                                                                                                          MR MOJO RISIN

MG